Been such a long time since I last post an entry....

I was pretty angry with him on Thursday...
He is going to Tasmania the week after I am back from Malaysia.
I was angry because he is going away so soon after I am back.
A selfish thought.
He ask me to think about what he is going through...
He says he badly wanted to go away for a weekend from his work...
"I didn't stop you from going away for 3 months, why can't I go away for 2 days?"he said.
...so he thinks I am selfish. He thinks I only think about myself and not him.
maybe I am.

He keeps going away on random trips with his friends, I am always being left behind.
It just doesn't feels nice...even though some of it is my own choice.

I know he is thinking that I am now trying to control him, and not giving him freedom.
but I am not...i try not too..
because I think he will not like this.

few months back...
I ask him would he like to visit Malaysia. He said no.
I was disappointed, but his answer was not a surprise to me.
Who would want to sacrifice his whole holiday to face my parents...
for someone he may not love for life...it hurts to even think that he might think this way.

Insecure is the word that summarize my whole situation.
I can't ask him to give something which I want when he doesn't want to give it...
because I believe if someone love u he would call without u asking them.
because I believe if someone love u although he is not saying it his action will show it.
because I believe if someone love u he would take initiative in asking about your day
because I believe if someone love u as much he would... he would...

He says he cares about me, but does he love me?
I want to believe he does but I am not sure about the truth because he never say so

Sometimes I think I have high expectations,
some tell me it's good but others told me it might destroy the relationship.
Who am I to listen to?
my intuition tells me the opposite of both....

Be myself. She said. I agree.
I just hope we can go through this together...